It's Wednesday all ready, where has this week gone to???
Today the shop was busy with deliveries for cheerleader try outs... When I was in school, I don't remember this stuff going on...these days seems like we send things for everything~I'm not complaining, it pays my bills!
As I unloaded all the balloons, candy baskets and flowers, I began to think...poor chaps, wonder how many will cry with broken hearts today? I actually put them and myself in the same position for a few minutes. In my mind, I compared them to myself...wanting some so badly, and the "tricks" they had to do, and preform to show that they were capable. Then to sit and wait...wait...wait... to see if they were good enough and chosen. I also wondered how many of them, if they do not make it, if they will say, OK, so I tried... or how it will bother them.
Every day I pray that this will be the day we will get a match for us. I think, okay, how long do we wait, when will it be us. Jason and I joke often about the fact that we don't pray for patience. I know we haven't waited very long at all, but it seems like a life time. We both know, that when the right time is for us, that HE will give us our hearts desires. Each time for me, I always get a little sad, but pull myself back because I drawn myself closer to my Lord.
While at work today, I did receive a phone call from the agency. They wanted to let us know we are 1 of 4 couples that have been selected for a possible match. Infant with a due date of first part of May. We said yes, to definitely keep us in the process...now we wait and wait and wait....to see if we are chosen or if we are good enough, or the right ones this time. My emotions are different this time, than in the past. Its almost like I am blocking the possibility out of my mind so that if we are not chosen it wont hurt as much. Maybe that's whats going on??? Ever felt that way???
What ever happens with this situation, I will continue to believe, pray and glorify God for which ever couple is chosen, because I know that His plans are always right!
Okay... Jason is not feeling well tonight, I best go check on him...and its almost my bed time!
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Surfing around and found this poem, I copied this, hope it's ok~~...so true the feelings that it has written. I know God is in control of every aspect of my life. Even though I dont understand, dont agree, dont like sometimes, I have to know He knows best!!
"There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss,and though they are good mothers and love their children,I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.I have longed and waited.I have cried and prayed.I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep,explore,and discover.I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.I have prevailed.I have succeeded.I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.I listen.And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."
I am very thankful for my wonderful nieces and nephews, I love them so much, as if they were my own.....but I can't wait till I can proudly say...Yes, I am a Mother!!!
"There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss,and though they are good mothers and love their children,I know that I will be better.
I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books,but because I have struggled and toiled for this child.I have longed and waited.I have cried and prayed.I have endured and planned over and over again.
Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams.
I will notice everything about my child.I will take time to watch my child sleep,explore,and discover.I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life.I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temperature, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me.
I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child.
Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love.I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain.I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall.I have prevailed.I have succeeded.I have won.
So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs.I listen.And even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely.I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when life is beyond hard.
I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life.
Yes, I will be a wonderful mother."
I am very thankful for my wonderful nieces and nephews, I love them so much, as if they were my own.....but I can't wait till I can proudly say...Yes, I am a Mother!!!
Still Waiting
Another month has passed by, still no wonderful news for us. We have had 2 calls this past week, one we said no to, and the other we were not selected. Emotions~Saying no to a possible child for us was a very difficult thing. As much as I wanted to say..when do we leave, we both knew in our hearts that this little one wasnt for us.
This week we recieved some mail from our agency, I am a little upset. It is our fingerprint information. We sent it in, even though they said we will not have to do that if we finalize in our home state, but just incase, we would already have that part completed. So, after it has been mailed for atleast 2 months from us, we find it in our mailbox on friday. From the agency!!! They put the wrong address on it! AND it has our last name wrong!!!! So, how should I react to this? I know mistakes are made, but I was so mad. What else have they not done correctly is what crossed my mind. I have not called them, it is the weekend, but it is on my To-Do list for Monday morning.
As for me and Jason, we are doing well. Work has been busy for us, valentines is my biggest holiday, so we are glad that is behid us!! We still have lots of work to do here at home before the baby arrives. Im stuck on trying to paint...I dont have a clue what color~~ I want something bright and fun, but not knowing girl or boy is making for a tuff decision. So I think we are considering something in the brown shade, and just make the paint choice easy. We are working on a list of things we need to have done while we are gone. My sister and sister in law will be in charge of finishing the room while we go~ Should be fun for the aunts to do that!
I know we have not been waiting long, but sometimes its so difficult to learn to wait! I begin to think..whats wrong with us, why havent we been chosen, did we make the right choice on agnecy, will we ever be parents... I have to then step back and know that God is in control of this, when He says its time for us, the right one will happen.
Jason is gone today for a gun show, I am staying home doing nothing, I think I will crawl back in bed!!!!
This week we recieved some mail from our agency, I am a little upset. It is our fingerprint information. We sent it in, even though they said we will not have to do that if we finalize in our home state, but just incase, we would already have that part completed. So, after it has been mailed for atleast 2 months from us, we find it in our mailbox on friday. From the agency!!! They put the wrong address on it! AND it has our last name wrong!!!! So, how should I react to this? I know mistakes are made, but I was so mad. What else have they not done correctly is what crossed my mind. I have not called them, it is the weekend, but it is on my To-Do list for Monday morning.
As for me and Jason, we are doing well. Work has been busy for us, valentines is my biggest holiday, so we are glad that is behid us!! We still have lots of work to do here at home before the baby arrives. Im stuck on trying to paint...I dont have a clue what color~~ I want something bright and fun, but not knowing girl or boy is making for a tuff decision. So I think we are considering something in the brown shade, and just make the paint choice easy. We are working on a list of things we need to have done while we are gone. My sister and sister in law will be in charge of finishing the room while we go~ Should be fun for the aunts to do that!
I know we have not been waiting long, but sometimes its so difficult to learn to wait! I begin to think..whats wrong with us, why havent we been chosen, did we make the right choice on agnecy, will we ever be parents... I have to then step back and know that God is in control of this, when He says its time for us, the right one will happen.
Jason is gone today for a gun show, I am staying home doing nothing, I think I will crawl back in bed!!!!
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